October 13, 1998

"The Great American Orgasm"

Impeachment is the ultimate political orgasm. President William Jefferson Clinton never thought that he would have the first presidential orgasm to be heard around the world. Nonetheless, here we are two years later and Congress has voted to investigate the potential for Clinton’s impeachment. Monica Lewinsky is clearly "the first intern" of the United States. When this great national orgasmic nightmare will end no one knows. Kenneth Starr, the self-anointed special sex persecutor continues to ejaculate thousands of pages of mostly salacious sexual testimony about the President’s affair with "the first intern" of the United States. Persecutor Starr seems to have lost control, but in an effort to regain his sexual composure and his sexual subtlety, he has let it slip that he may have other evidence of impeachable offenses by Clinton. Congress and the public are waiting with baited breath. President Clinton could really straighten out this whole salacious mess if he would propose a new cabinet post and department. What we need is a Secretary of Sex to head the Department of Affairs. Let’s face it, the Republicans want to drag this investigation out as long as possible. Not, however, for political reasons—hell no, they want to discuss sex publicly as long as they can because they have so much trouble discussing it privately. This whole investigation really isn’t just about the President’s affair with Monica Lewinsky, it’s about sex. Congress is about to engage in the largest political sex orgy debate in the history of the world. What is appropriate moral behavior? What is moral? Weighty questions to be sure. For the many congressional representatives who may have difficulty discussing some of these sensitive sexual issues and events in a public forum, perhaps psychiatric counseling would be in order. Let the bacchanal begin! The nation is writhing in sexual fantasy. When will the great American orgasm end? Lord knows what we shall tell the children. Our minds and bodies are out of control. Ken Starr engages in legal masturbation—anything goes! It’s okay if you can maintain control, but sometimes salacious interrogation is more seductive and it becomes a yes, yes, yes situation. Oh Ken, Ken, what do we tell the children? You have rewritten history! And now for another deliciously squalid day in the hallowed halls of Congress. The Judiciary Committee Chairman Henry Hyde tells us that the President is the "trustee of our nation’s conscience." Our duty in this impeachment inquiry is burdensome--even rotten--but to not do our duty would be to be unfaithful to the people who put us in office. Of course we love this laudable oratory, and should we decide—or, rather, Congress decide--to drop this impeachment inquiry, they risk the danger of incurring public confidence.   James C. Benerofe October 13, 1998 Editorial #11